3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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