I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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