sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
