Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
