My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You dont lie about slip and slides
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
