Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
