she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
