Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
