Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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