4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
