Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
PANTIES FOUND
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
