clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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