Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
