Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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