Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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