it wasn't lemon gatorade
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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