i permit you to call me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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