I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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