bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
