how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
