I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
