So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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