so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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