I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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