I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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