Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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