physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
