from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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