btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize