What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
