You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
