She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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