angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
