Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
