So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
