sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize