Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
