did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So. Much. Porn.
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