Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
