So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize