he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
