Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
