Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
