i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
