I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is wine microwaveable?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
