he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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