my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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