Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
