i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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