In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
