So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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