Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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