All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
