this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
