another moral hangover. fuck.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize