I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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