ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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