You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
