wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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