one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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