I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
