what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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