We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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