I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
