Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
