i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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