I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
