Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
