So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
