i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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