dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need to align my fucking chakras
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
