dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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