we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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